Suchi Govindarajans wit

February 14, 2014

Happy Something Day! July 22, 2013 at 10:34am This Mother’s Day, Brether’s Day, is all getting too much I say. Only last month, on June 15th, my cousin brother called me at the ungodly hour of 6.00 am.

“Why you didn’t wish me?” he is asking, “Lalli, Paddu, even my North-Indian daughter-in-law Sweety and her parents are calling to wish me.” “Is it your bird-day? Happy Bird-day! Happy long life to you! May you have many more birds.” “No, no. It is not my bird-day. It is Father’s Day.” I thought about this for a few seconds. “Ay, don’t you know who you have called?” I said, “You are not my father! That’s why I didn’t wish you.” “No, no.” he said, “I am a father means everyone should wish me. That is the new tradition. Please note for next time. Cut the phone now, I have to call other relatives also.”

After that, I am logging into Facebook, and seeing all my friends, including my friend Hema Malini, putting two-two pictures of their fathers. Then they are posting about what they bought for them. One person is writing, “I bought cotton shirt, that too Pure Lenin shirt, for my father”. One more is posting that he bought Ab-Circle Pro Exerciser for his father from Home Shopping Network because he wants him to be healthy. Then, just for effect, he is adding, “It came with seven free potato peelers which I gifted to my driver”. Within four minutes, he got 60 likes for this status. This, my friends, is the state of the world today. No wonder all this global warming things is happening. All the collective hot air in our brains is getting multiplied by the number of Facebook likes and spreading into atmosphere through wireless.

Now, I have no objection to celebrating family and friends, but why should everyone should do this on the same day? Take this Valentine’s Day. You are having one number girlfriend or boyfriend. If you want to take them for a romantic dinner, you should do it on a really special day. Why to go out when hundred other people in the city are also going out? What romance is there in that? And if that is not enough, every now and then, some politician will declare that it is offensive to Indian culture. “In Indian culture, there is no sex, no this type of love and all.”, they will say, “We are highly moral culture. It is only through prayers to God that one child is born here every two seconds.” And then they will return to their parliament session and watch porn on their mobiles.

The other problem with these foreign days is that everybody will be wanting sep-separate days for themselves. Already, people are asking when is Daughter’s Day, and is it different or same-to-same from Day of the Girl Child? Imagine how big a problem it will become in Indian context? We will end up with Co-Brether’s Day, First-Cousin-Twice-Removed Day, Sister-in-law-on-spouse-side-day, Sister-in-law-on-my-side-day, etc. And there will be major confusion in families where there is intermarriage. In some families in South, your cousin is also your uncle (or sometimes, your father). In that case, whether you should wish them for Cousin’s Day or Uncle’s Day? Unnecessary complications, I tell you.

As I was writing this, I decided to do some research on today, hoping it will be a Nothing Day. But then I found out that July 21st is National Junk Food Day in the US. And full July is National Ice-cream Month, as proclaimed by President Ronald Reagan in 1984. (Yes, there is a full proclamation on the internet.)

I am thinking now, this is not a bad idea. Instead of having days for people, we should have days for food items. I think National Junk Food day is little foolish for a country where they are drinking Coca-Cola using bucket and mug, but, we Indians can improve on this. First, I want to propose “National Curd-Rice Day”. It will serve many purposes: it will be a good day off for all the people who have to cook, and youngsters will also get full quota of dairy and carbohydrates. There will be no tension in giving gifts on this day. Simply make or buy curds and distribute to family, friends and annoying neighbours. Or, if you are unable to do that, simply make photo of curd-rice as your profile photo in Facebook. I guarantee that people will put many likes on it.