enjoyed these very much

January 24, 2013


Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get it up. Enjoy dreaming about that. Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch. Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear America , You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. Sincerely, Canada

Dear Yahoo, I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” Just saying… Sincerely, Google

Dear 2010, So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?! Sincerely, 1985

Dear girls who have been dumped, There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead. Sincerely, BP

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids, Please make one for every skin color. Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors, I feel your pain… no one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Customers, Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese. Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People, You’re welcome. Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear World, Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok? Sincerely, The Mayans

Dear White People, Don’t you just hate immigrants? Sincerely, Native Americans

Dear iPhone, Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut. Sincerely, Every iPhone User

Dear Trash, At least you get picked up… Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man, It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it? Sincerely, Elephant