April 13, 2011

Thanks to Vittal for these!

  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

  12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

  14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  16. A backward poet writes inverse.

  17. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  18. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion