Never Trust A Cricketer...

March 23, 2011


Come all ye fair young maidens and harken unto me, Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be. Randier than a sailor who’s been six months at sea, Never let a cricketer’s hand an inch above your knee. First let’s take the paceman, pure speed from first to last! My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast. Then there’s the medium pacer, his balls swing either way; He’s really most persistent and can keep it up all day! And watch for the off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap. If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap! Then there’s the wily ‘slowy’, pure cunning is his strength; He’ll tempt you, then he’ll trap you with his very subtle length. So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree. Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be. And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease! He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease. The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes. When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes. And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two; When he arrives at the crease then only six will do. Then there’s the real stonewaller, girls, he knows what he’s about; And if you let him settle in, it’s hard to get him out! We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock, He doesn’t mind if he’s last man in, as long as he gets a knock. So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me: Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be. And watch the wicketkeeper, girls, he’s full of flair and dash; And if you raise your heel, he’ll whip them off in a flash. If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score; Or he’ll have you in positions that you never knew before! The cricket commentator is a nasty sort of bloke, He watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke. Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup; You’ll quickly find you’ve had it, when he puts his finger up! So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me: