Taking care of your wife:

 SIMPLE DUTIES

– You make the bed (+1) – You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0) – You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1) – You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) – In the rain (+8) – But return with Beer (-5) – You check out a suspicious noise at night (0) – You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0) – You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5) – You pummel it with iron rod (+10) – It’s her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

– You stay by her side the entire party (0) – You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2) – Named Tina (-4) – Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY

– You take her out to dinner (0) – You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1) – Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2) – And it’s all-you-can- eat night (-3) – It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

– You take her to a movie (+2) – You take her to a movie she likes (+4) – You take her to a movie you hate (+6) – You take her to a movie you like (-2) – It’s called ‘DeathCop’ (-3) – You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

– You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15) – You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10) – You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30) – You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION

– She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT] – You hesitate in responding (-10) – You reply, “Where?” (-35) – Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

– When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0) – You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50) – You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500) – She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)