November 3, 2009
I’m sure not all of them can be genuine, but I’m still laughing hard anyway!
* The patient refused autopsy. * The patient has no previous history of suicides. * Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. * Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. * She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. * On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. * The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. * The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. * Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. * Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful. * Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. * She is numb from her toes down. * While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. *The skin was moist and dry. *Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. *Patient was alert and unresponsive. *Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. *She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. *I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. * Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. * Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. * The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. * Skin: somewhat pale. but present. * The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. * Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. * Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities * When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room * The patient was in his usual state of good health until his Airplane ran out of gas and crashed. * Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. * She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. * Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. * The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. * By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.