Why is no one giving me a grant for

studies like this ?

I can do studies on:

1. The average weight of the trash bag when it is deposited for kerbside removal (with a side study on whether vegetarian or non-vegetarian households generate the heavier trash.)

2. Which adapt better to city life: House Sparrows, Pigeons, or Mynahs?

3. Impact of eating chocolate on the growth of fingernails.

4. Sociological relevance of funny number plates. (I am already an expert on this and can take help from .

5. The effect of having a window seat in a three-seat configuration upon the bladder, on a 16-hour flight. Side-study on embarassment levels in having to wake other two passengers up when they are sound asleep.

6. Damage done to supermarket carts in the course of a year.

Well, the learned list could go on and on….but no one is giving me grants for these vitally important studies….