How to market something

October 13, 2008

There was a time when we could just go and buy a “jhAdoo” (grass broom), paying some piddly amount. But no longer. Buying brooms is practically a hypermarket experience now. And to inviegle the buyer, let’s see how brooms are marketed:

First, of course, the all-important BRANDING. Nothing will be sold except if it is a brand, never mind that the brand is even funnier than the product:

monkey brand brooms 091008

I love thinking about the artist who designed that lovely pic of a houseproud monkey holding a broom!

Then, of course, come the CLAIMS. This is not any old brand, dear customer, it is….

india's largest selling broom

(They know perfectly well,you have NO way of verifying that claim. And if challenged, they would add, “On Alternate Saturdays When the Wind Is From The North” or something like that.)

Then, of course, make it MODERN and CONTEMPORARY. Any claim such as the one following will do:

21st century broom

The FEATURES of every product must be enumerated as attractively as possible:

features of the broom

“Tall Garo Hills grass” brings images of the North East and almond-eyed tribal women beating the grass (er, until you look back at that squatting monkey). Did you know grass could be flexible and long-lasting? Next time someone tells you, “All flesh is as grass,” disagree with them. Tell them about Garo Hills grass (and don’t smoke it.)

DON’T miss the “perfumed and thick virgin plastic handle”. A perfumed broom handle? Wotonerth?? ( what are thick virgins, I wonder….)

And I have NO clue where this tamperproof laminate which retains moisture and enhances durability is….is that the cover of the broom (which you are going to throw away) that they are talking about? If so, what an innovative way of describing plastic!

And lastly (but not leastly)….give some to store, how to use, and how to dispose of that “thick virgin plastic” handle.


The only thing not mentioned is…how to dispose of the plastic cover which has all this fascinating brand, features and directions…maybe they think we should keep it, in sheer admiration.

It would be my guess that all this printing and production is responsible for a broom that (without that cover) costs Rs.22, turning (hey presto!) into a broom that costs Rs.45….