I received an ad asking for children to be sent to a Nature Camp. Here are some excerpts:

They start off by asking, “When your kids did went out without you!”

Let me work that out and answer them.

Accomodation provided, they say, is, “separate accomodation– for boys and girls in a dormitory”

Now if there are going to be boys AND girls in a dormitory, THAT’S going to be a great incentive for our Victorian parents…

About food, they say: “simple hygienic sumptuous veg food provided (all meals like b/fast; lunch; dinner; tea and snacks from the day 1 lunch to Day 4 dinner) All food are served hygienically and sumptuously, calculating the calories and the high proteins required for this activities.”

What’s simple sumptuous food?

“Served with family style”

Er…?

About the place:

“Kemmenagundi is a hill station…..it is in a Jaguar valley, rises at the height of 5,300ft ht. It is also known as Krishna Rajendra Hill station. Entire place is maintained by Department of Horticulture and they grow orchids…”

It is in a Jaguar valley? If it rises at a height of 5,300ft height, where does it set? And wow, they grow orchids!!

“Welcome the spirit of adventure!”

Oh, that’s good.

But then…

“When was the last time you did for the first time? “

This flummoxed me completely. ??????

And they go on…

“Why we?”

I don’t know boss, I have to find out.

Then….

“No roads, no paths, no luxuries but still you can enjoy adventure without comprising of your luxuries only with XXXX organization. Be a part of city’s #1 active adventure travel company. All our camps are 100% safe and eco-friendly camps, Quality camps, Quality instructors, Quality experiences… Bring forth your actions, be a child with us, show your strengths, perseverance, confidence and adrenalin push… by adapting leave no trace ethics of your alpine style adventure camp.”

Can anyone explain those last two lines, especially. Do I really want to show my adrenalin push or have no trace ethics of an alpine style adventure?

“Since a decade, XXXX is been a leader in this industry by organizing more than 800 camps with 100% safety records and mastered disaster management”

Oh…how many disasters DID they manage?

“Our camps are eco-friendly starting from your decision making to experiences. We appreciate your support of using IT into the process.”

??????

“With our past experiences we master our curriculum to train all ages from 6 to 70yrs with whatever shape, size or professional background they may be. All our activities are soft skilled adventure programs designed with the topographic features.”

I am glad they will take the child, no matter if the child’s age is 6 or 70!… and no matter what shape or size!

About safety:

“Safety is the first fundamental of us. We never experiment for first time. Our entire program itinerary is mastered with past camps. All our instructors are trained and have back of their hand knowledge on the destinations”

If they never experiment for the first time..how do they get their mastery with past camps (and that disaster management experience)? And somehow, “back of their hand” knowledge doesn’t inspire me with great confidence….unless they are playing tennis.

Then they go on to ask:

“Is XXXX is recognized?”

Is it is? I don’t know.

So they answer:

“It is the only organization has more accreditations from”

and a list follows, which, weirdly, includes

“WANGO- World association for Non Government Organisation, USA”

Huh?

Then they say,

“Includes:

1. Food (4 cycle meals) What are cycle meals?

2. Instructor charges.

3. Forest entry fees.

4. Camping gears. (four forward and one reverse? For the cycle meals?)

5. Equipments.

6. Comfortabel chartered non a/c coach.” (That’s the one in which the son of Adam travelled. Comfortabel.)

Thank you, but I don’t think I would entrust a child to this adventure camp…s/he might come back safe and sound, but speaking a language that I could not understand…if a child came back and asked me, “When was the last time you did for the first time? “ I would NOT be able to answer, you see.

PS. I made KM read this entire post (he never reads blogs) and he says he didn’t find anything funny in it. Now THAT’S funny.