Nice old ones and a few ones are even new...see no 12

January 17, 2007
  1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

  2. A will is a dead giveaway.

  3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

  4. A backward poet writes inverse.

  5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

  6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

  7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

  8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

  9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

  10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

  11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

  12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

  13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

  14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

  15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

  16. A calendar’s days are numbered.

  17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

  18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

  19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

  20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

  21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

  22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

  23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

  24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

  25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

  26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

  27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

  28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

  29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.