Our Victorian mindset...

July 7, 2006

Sorry, some amendments are in order.

I had written:

A friend of mine says that there are two “units” in a house for rent, but he and another friend (a young woman) will not be allowed to take the two units because of snoopy landlords and neighbours.

The amendment:

Actually, there is apparently no problem in their taking TWO units. The problem arises if they don’t want to waste money on two units….they can’t take one, that will outrage proprieties. Hypocrisy rules.

But my comments still stand:

In my ideal, everything-is-simple world:

a. If they  are not a “couple” , there can be no objection.

b. If they are, and want to live in or whatever else, that is their …er…affair, and as long as they are paying the rent properly and are keeping the premises well, what’s the problem? How does the piece of paper that the marriage certificate is, change anything, as far as the landlord and neighbours are concerned? Have all those couples in the vicinity shown them their marriage certificates?

c. How do these assorted neighbours/landlords know that if  the young man  brings over male friends, or the young woman  brings over female friends, that they are not g/l?

d.. And if everyone was like this, how DO unmarried couples live together? (And I can’t believe that there are no unmarried couples living together in Bangalore.) ( I would like an answer to this one.) Do they always pretend to be married? Is hypocrisy the order of the day?

To me, the presence or absence of a marriage certificate it has never made any difference at all to my interaction with a “couple”; it is their relationship, and their commitment to each other. No marriage certificate can keep a crumbling marriage from falling apart, and no marriage certificate is necessary when the commitment between two people exist…and the whole thing is  nothing to do with me.  If we can accept that with friends, why can’t assorted landlords and neighbours accept the way some unknown youngsters wish to live? I know a gay couple who have been together for more than 8 years now. I have the utmost respect for both of them and I think it is wonderful that in this cold harsh world they have found love…..

…But…I think that is the ideal world! We are still in Victorian times here, and so proud to be that way, too….our uncles and brothers will molest young nieces (and,sometimes, nephews)  in the privacy of their homes, but a young man and young woman must necessarily be thinking of orgies if they want to share the same address…..

Sad, but true. I asked Jasmeen Patheja of Blank Noise why they could not also protest against the sexual harassment of women in private spaces as well as in public areas, but apparently, that is out of their ambit….