To avoid being hurt

September 21, 2005

Been reflecting for some time on someone whom I have wanted to be friends with, who always had issues about it, not least being the fact that I was friendly with his parents. I learnt to accept that he would always be cold and unforthcoming. Then I learnt that he has put up an LJ entry (after removing me from his friends’ list) accusing me of being less than caring about his mother.

How wrong perceptions can be! I have been battling a little-known condition myself, with a lot of pain, inability to drive, and often difficulty even in moving about at home. I never expected that he would ever come to see me or enquire about me; I kept visiting his mother whenever I could;when I received a call from his father , I rushed to see his mother and was prevented from doing so by him; and I was puzzled by his actions, and am actually relieved to know that there was a reason for what I perceived as extreme coldness.

There are times when a person should be left alone to work out his emotions (actually, perhaps all of the time) and this is definitely one of them. The fact that I have never had a warm response is actually helping me now and keeps me from being hurt. It is of course hurting that when I think of myself as an affectionate person, I am perceived as just the opposite. But surprisingly, this response from this person does not hurt as badly as it would from one of the others in the group he (and my daughter)belongs to.

Perhaps the fact that I am referring to this means that the hurt is not as little as I like to think…but I do like to think that I am trying to take things objectively…..